laugh it all off in your face
what would you do?
what if i fell to the floor
couldn't take all this anymore
what would you do, do, do?
I don't know what happened last night but I think I just kind of snapped. I took out all my anger and stress and released it at Andy. I have been holding it back and running away from it. I thought that just as long as I'm not home and sitting around then I will be okay but I guess I was wrong. Andy was just being playful but my anger and impatience lashed out at him and hurt him. I broke down and I just didn't know what to say to him. He did absolutely nothing wrong, he was just sick and wanted medicine. I felt horrible, there was nothing that I could have said to take back the last few weeks that I have felt so held down. I have been struggling to keep up with the world. I want to live in a world where I will just get what I want and things just happen to go the way I want them to.
I guess I was so used to everything being so good that I forgot about the rest of the world. That sounds so selfish and I was being selfish. It's not fair to anyone else. I have been holding my own interest over others. I should never do that unless I deserved it and I sure don't deserve it right now. I need to start putting others before me, especially my family and my best friend, plus my boyfriend. I need to be a better daughter, sister, friend, and girlfriend . . . and I have to be good to myself at the same time.
Yesterday at dinner, I got a fortune cookie and it told me to be patient because when I am, good things will come. I hope that's true. I will be patient and I will be myself again. I have lost myself and now its time to get Padao back.
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