I think that I have trouble doing things for myself. Even though I can be selfish at times, I always feel bad when I don't do something for someone else. Everything I do for myself, I always have to balance it out by doing something for another person. I also have a hard time saying no. I am a huge pushover and especially if I care a lot about that person, I would do so much to make them happy and I would forget about myself. Over the years I have been trying to change that - to do more for me than others. I don't think it's changing much but I suppose it takes time. But then again, I have done this all my life and I don't think that I will be able to change it.
I'm always the nice girl that everyone can ask a favor from. Sometimes I just don't want to be that nice girl anymore but I can't help it because I love helping others and I especially love it when they are happy. I'm not going to say that I'm not happy because I am! I mean sure, things could be better but whatev, I am going to appreciate what I have now. I can't wish and hope that money will grow on trees and no one will starve and there will be world peace and no more wars and everyone will love each other no matter how they look, talk, or smell. I want ALL of that to be true but if I become another cold, heartless, selfish person = ALL of that will never happen. It will never be in the works of happening.
Why can't everything just be good? :/
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