have you ever looked fear in the face ?

and said I just dont care ?

its only half past the point of no return

the tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn

the thunder before lightening, the breath before the phrase

have you ever felt this way ?

So the job search has almost come to an end but maybe I shouldn't speak for myself too quickly. I applied as a sales associate at Sears and I have an interview on Friday @ 3PM. Hopefully I get the job so I wouldn't have to worry about finding a dang job anymore - if I don't, hopefully Kohls calls me back and offers me a position.

Yesterday Andy, Kathy, and I went to buffalo wild wings to watch UFC 114: Rampage vs Evans. We got there kind of early so we sat around and had appetizers. I just got sick after awhile but their berry lemonade is great! I don't even know how many refills I had. We were there for awhile, the fights didn't really start until 8:30-ish. The fight didn't turn out as I expected. All Rashad did was dance around and pin Rampage up against the fence but oh well, we were there for Andy and hopefully he enjoyed his saturday night.

There's a picnic on monday at Mounds but I don't know if I will be attending or not. I haven't decided yet, we'll see what happens. I will probably end up going because I don't have anything to do and I haven't seen my friends for awhile now. Andy and I are going to valleyfair with Chris and Lindsey on tuesday. I hope the weather will be nice and everything goes well.

belly button piercing = trashy?!!

Im on some new shit

Im chuckin my deuces up to her
Im moving on to something better, better, better
No more tryin to make it work
You made me wanna say bye bye, say bye bye, say bye bye to her

okay, so Andy and I had a talk about getting my belly pierced after getting it firmed up (we're planning to do P90X soon) & he says that its trashy. I don't really think trashy is really the word for it. I mean a lot of things can be trashy if you make it appear trashy. I think its really cute and it looks nice on nice bodies (example above) - I'm kind of hesitant about getting one since I do plan on having kids one day but we will see. I have yet to get a tattoo too but I don't really know how I feel about that one anymore.

I want a kitty! I found the cutest one the animal humane society's website!!!! Hopefully I will be able to get one when I move out. I wish Andy was able to get a husky puppy right now! I also found 2 really cute ones, oh well maybe one day. :)

maybe someday

you can go, you can start all over again

you could try to find a way to make another day go by

you can hide, hold all your feelings inside

you could try to carry on when all you wanna do is cry

My birthday was great, overall. On thursday, Andy and I were supposed to go to the zoo but they closed at 4 for a private event so that didn't happen. We drove back to his house, sat around, decided to go to Chipotle then for a movie at AMC - we watched Robin Hood. It wasn't bad but could have been better. We also stopped by the mall and he bought me a nice little gift that I picked out. On friday, we went to the Twins vs Brewers game. It was great! Target Field looks sweet and the game was also pretty nice. Twins won 15-3

Yesterday, the girls (Xai & Laurine) and I went out for ice cream at Izzy's on Marshall. It was really good and the shop smelled great :), I just got a root beer float. I don't know why I was feeling a root beer float but I haven't had one since 5th grade! It was good. Afterwards, we went to pick Maichee up from the west side and got lost but it was fine - finally found her house! Tomnema & Meng decided to come with also, & Pater and Narra showed up a little later but we karaoke at Do Re Mi in Eagan. It was a drive but we had fun. Andy was a little upset but oh well, whatever. At this point, I'm just like whatever now; if this isn't going to work out ,I don't know what else to do. Its like fighting for the same thing over and over and over again even though you know no matter how hard you try or no matter what you do, it will always be the same. It kills me but I might just be in denial. I don't know . . .

me & Andy at the Twins game .

all i ever wanted

i convinced myself that over dont mean over

and i convinced myself that i could fix it all,

two dreams collided maybe,

we got too excited for our own good

I seriously don't know how we will be able to do this for the rest of our lives. It has been 2 years already and we still fight and argue like we did the first time, maybe its really time to just let things go. Forget about everything, you know? I might be in denial because I don't want to let this go. I keep telling myself each day that this is going to work, that things will change, that we will sacrifice for each other. I understand that I messed up and only time will be able to fix this but I'm afraid we don't have time. We both are getting old and we need to move on or fix this. No matter what I do or say now will budge you at all. I don't know but I think that I might just be scared to let this go. I shouldn't be right? I should be strong and I should know what's best for me and what's not but why can't I get over the fact that its not going to work

but then again, why is he still here ? . . .

if there's one thing i believe

i believe i will see you somewhere down the road

I think that I just fucked everything up for myself & for Andy. He says that I'm a compulsive liar - I don't think that I am. I was really trying to look for my best friend but I did lie to him about not having a drink. I didn't think that I was going to get that fucked up. There are no words to describe how I feel right now. Its like I want to apologize - and I did, but at the same time its just like it is what it is. We have been trying to make this work for 2 years, if its not going to work out now, its probably not going to ever. I have tried and he gave this a chance so we can't do anything right now. He does deserve better and I have been a shitty girlfriend ? I go out, I have fun. I don't know how that makes me shitty but I guess he is serious about our relationship. I was serious about it too until he kept breaking up with me every other day - seriously, if he deserves better then I think I do too. Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe it was meant to be like this. Maybe . . . just maybe.