nothing is real

I don't know if it's because I haven't been taking my prescribed medication or whatever but I have been so out of it. I feel like all I want and care about is sleep. I don't care about friends or how anyone feels. I'm just hungry and tired. I don't care about school or how I'm doing. I just want to be alone.

I feel so shitty right now.

gaga for gaga

Reason being why I haven't blogged in forever is that my laptop is sort of dead. It isn't really dead but the screen is cracked and I haven't found the time to fix it so it's just sitting around. I should really take it in some time soon considering school is coming up. If I haven't mentioned it already, I'm all set for my first semester at the U. I am excited and scared and nervous and ecstatic all at the same time. I'm not able to sign up for ASL because I was an idiot and decided that I wouldn't need to remember ASL over the summer. I knew I should have taken a summer course! I extremely regret it right now - well actually, there are A LOT of things I do regret as of now. NOT saving money, so I won't be able to move out. NOT taking a summer ASL course, so I won't be able to take a course this fall. And, I don't know what else but that's all I can think of for now.

I will be living at home this fall and I suppose leaving my car at Andy's will be the wisest idea. I have to purchase a bus pass in order to take the bus to and from Andy's house to school. I can walk too but that wouldn't be the smartest thing to do during the winter; my toes will freeze and then fall off. Oh yes, I got season tickets to the Gopher football games. I know squat about football but I'm sure it will be fun just to go to. '

Officially back at Cub and no longer an employee of Rainbow. I feel really bad for just skipping out on them but oh well, I really can't work two jobs at once no matter how much I will want to. I mean sure, I could have probably figured the schedules out and what not but physically, I won't be able to. I have the body of an 80-year old, which is very sad. I am for sure planning to go to the gym once school starts - I'm paying for it so I might as well go, right? That's the logic in things.

Xai moved her stuff to Duluth already. I'm sort of sad I won't be going back to UMD but oh well, I've wanted what I've got now for so long now. I shouldn't look back. I am happy though. I've got a job, a car, a wonderful boyfriend, the bestest bff anyone can have, a supportive not-so-much-on-my-back anymore family, and I'm doing well.

Though I am extremely tired; I need to request a refill soon! Anyway, blog soon.

i'm like the rain in a downpour

So much has happened and I have been so busy with work, family, boyfriend, and XAI came baaaack! We went out for dinner at Olive Garden then headed over to Tanners to play bad volleyball with Daisy & co. It was fun but she had to go home early and I had to pick Villai up from her boyfriend's.

Anyway, work sucks. I think that I've complained about it every single day. The only day that I enjoyed it was the day I had a 4-hour shift. I think that's the maximum time anyone can spend working in a grocery store! I just go nuts from ALL the nuts who come in. I don't know. I just wished I got my job at Cub back so I wouldn't have to be so wlejf;lwefh;lkew about this one. I had an interview with Heritage and welllll, it just didn't happen. I get a lot of hours at Rainbow but I just can't stand it. Oh well, whatever. I suppose if I can live off of it then I'll be fine. It just sucks having to do something so ridiculous for money, to be able to live. I guess that's why I'm in college, right? Right. It'll be all over one day. I'll be working my dream job and I won't have to worry about waking up every day just to go to work. I have to convince and push myself out the door and into the car to drive to work.

Andy and I went to Lake Calhoun and Mall of America on Saturday. That for sure was the highlight of my week! I worked every single day that week and I needed a break so bad. Other than that I've just been working like a maniac. Lumberjack Days in Stillwater is coming up so I hope that I don't have to work!

The Twins are playing horribly. They've won a couple of games but that's not enough to put them back in 1st OR 2nd. Uggh, pick it up you guys!

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Right now, I wish I was really far away from here. I can't wait until school starts.

so much for the perfect bod

Uggggggh! I cannot express how frustrated I am with myself. I was supposed to work out and get that summer beach bod that I have wanted for so dang long! Instead of shopping when I'm upset, I should work out or something. I mean, yeah it makes me feel better about myself but I just can't find the motivation and drive to actually do it. I need someone to be there and to do it with me and the only other person who can do that is Andy BUT he gets upset when I slow down or quit when I'm tired, which I do a lot! Oh well, I just found this 6-week + program that is my level and I can probably do. It's every other day so I wouldn't have to worry about being so tired. I can probably pick it up and do it every day when I get better at this exercising thing. I guess when school starts, Andy will probably drag me to the gym so I wouldn't have to worry about that.

Anyway, today went well. My feet were sooooooo tired! I suppose wearing flats on a hard floor isn't the smartest especially after a long time of not standing up for so long! All I did today was put cheese on crackers and scooped the deli's steakhouse potato salad into a little sample cup. It wasn't bad, minus the 6 hours of standing but I guess I can't complain. I would have done that than cashier, its quite the busy weekend since it's a holiday but I'm glad I don't have to work this weekend. I'm watching UFC 115 w/ Andy & his friends tomorrow - its the Lesnar & Carwin fight so it's going to be huge.

I'm a tired gurrrrrrl, so peace out! ;)

Bieber fever!!!!!!!!

Justin Bieber was in the cities yesterday and unfortunately I didn't get tickets to go see him. It would have made my life but oh well, I'll get over it eventually hahah. Anyway, my best friend won't be home until August soooooo I won't get to see Eclipse until then but I'm excited to see Taylor Lautner :) I haven't gone out much and I really want to go out but we'll see what happens, I might go out Friday night with Xai's sisters but we'll see. I don't have anything to wear yet.

I start work Friday as demo lady in the deli - sounds fun doesn't it? Oh well, at least I'm starting and it's something. I have been so tired lately but I took a thousand naps today so I shouldn't be. It sucks but whatever. I just want this weekend to hurry up and be done with. I need my parents back home, taking care of 4 kids can get overwhelming so I can understand why my mother goes crazy sometimes.

Well, I picked up a book at the library and it's great so far. I should probably keep on reading. I don't want to fall back and forget about it.

oh me. oh my.

Well tomorrow is the big day. I start my first day of training at Rainbow tomorrow. Oh yeah, I haven't blogged for awhile but I got an offer from Rainbow and Gap. Sadly, I turned Gap down since it was a little too far from home and I was just a temp for the meanwhile. Anyway, I'm kind of excited and meh at the same time. I will be working an 8-hour shift tomorrow and by the time I get off, Andy will be at work. Pffft, I haven't worked forever now so it will be strange and I will be lazy, yes but hopefully things will go by fast and easy!

Ugh, I didn't know looking for a place to live would be so much work! I have to take everything into consideration! Of course I'll need to find a place that I can afford. Okay, so here's what I'll need to add up in order to find a place to live:

rent (obviously) - $350 to $400 +

food, gas, shopping for the hell of it - $250+

bills - $100, give or take - i'll be switching over to VW, so hopefully that will go down!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

overall, that adds up to about 700$. I will probably make less than 500$ a month, I might take out extra on my loans to make ends meet. *sigh, so much money! :/ I guess I will have to sacrafice a little and not spend so much leisurely but fuuuuuuck :'''(