you made it now

I don't know where I stand right now as a person. I feel so lost by myself but with others around me, I don't even know who I am. Sometimes I wish I had an answer key that I could just look at. Life itself is already confusing and I honestly thought that I had my life figured out - that I already know what I want. When I hear other college students talk about how they don't know what to do yet, I feel happy but right now, I'm in the same situation.

I feel like I'm going to break down every second that I stop to think about things.

My situation with Andy isn't going anywhere either. We have big fights every single week and now I can't take it anymore. I don't want this with him. I want a fun relationship with lots of laughter and joy and we can't even have that. I'm depressed and this is just killing the both of us.

He doesn't talk to me like he does to his friends. He doesn't tell me what's going on in his life and where he is and how he feels. When he has problems, he doesn't even come to me. I feel like I'm just there to fill time and to fill his void of not having a lot of friends. I don't know what else I can say to him. He doesn't even want to talk about this and if we don't, it's never going to fix anything.

I feel like he tries so hard, maybe even TOO hard to be happy with me. It's not supposed to be like that. It's supposed to be natural, it's supposed to come out because he's feeling it, not because he's making himself feel it.

why do i feel that it's my fault?